Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
