so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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