Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
