Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
