Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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