My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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