Cold hands, warm shart.
actually, I'm a sock model
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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