in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
