I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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