she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
