No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
