Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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