you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
