Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
