Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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