I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
