so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
