i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
