I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Life is so much better after having sex.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
