There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
