so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Alive.
So much puke
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
