God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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