In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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