My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
