Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
