You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
