And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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