Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
