He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
