the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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