We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize