dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
