Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
