Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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