Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
