i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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