Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
