i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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