grandma shit on top of the toilet
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How's work?
Spinning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
