Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
