I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
