I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Found the puke drawer
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
