I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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