I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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