So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
