Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
