I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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