Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I supernannyed him into submission
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
