you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think my tv is drunk
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize