no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
