sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am naked and annoyed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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