I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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