Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
