So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
