i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
look no pants
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
