I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
