I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
