I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
