Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've blown a few things in my day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
