Do you still have your period?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
