so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize