I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
