I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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