didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am puke
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
