Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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