hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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