I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
