Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
