So drunk, too bad you don't want this
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
