Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
even my farts smell like vagina
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
